10 Things Most Likely To Kill You In Louisiana
If you live in Louisiana, there are certain things with which you should be concerned: who has good boudin, where to find a bathroom on Mardi Gras day, which traffic signals are "photo-enforced", etc. While these are important to us, knowing what will likely kill you is something with which we should all be concerned.
I don't often walk around wondering how I will die. Of course, we have all had the conversation about how we don't want to die (fire, drowning, etc), but do we ever look at the reality of what might kill us?
I looked up some statistics about Louisiana on the Center for Disease Control's website, and I found the 10 things that will most likely kill you in Louisiana and, surprisingly, it's not being eaten by alligators, swimming less than 30 minutes after a meal, eating a straight crawfish tail or shaken death syndrome while driving Highway 90.
I know that it's neither an exciting nor romantic way to die, but it is the #1 killer in Louisiana. We rank 5th in the country in heart disease, with our death rate being 216 (per 1000). Then national average is 157.
Someone pass the boudin and cracklin, I've got some statistics to keep up with!
Everyone knows someone who has died from cancer. Everyone knows someone who has sent a child to St. Jude in Memphis. It seems that, when we speak about deaths in Louisiana, we talk about cancer more than any other. It comes in at #2 on this list, with a death rate of 186 (per 1000). The national average is 161, which puts us at 4th in the country in cancer deaths.
Car crash, falling in the tub, eating a straight tail, trying to turn left on Johnston, getting caught figuring out a latest government sham - there are several ways to die an "accidental" death and, according to this list, Louisiana ranks 12th in the country with over 2,300 people dying accidental deaths last year.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em! If you do, you might just join the thousands of people in Louisiana who died last year from CLRD. Louisiana ranks 23rd in the country in CLRD deaths.
Know how to tell if someone has had a stroke? If they are lying dead on the floor after grabbing their brain bucket and collapsing is one sign. Signs of a less-serious stroke can be acronym-ized by using the word "FAST": Face droop, Arm weakness, Speech slur/difficulty, and Time to get to a doctor! Knowing these signs could help you identify a stroke victim and, possibly, save a life. Unless they are already dead, then you'll have to use that other acronym, CPR. If that doesn't work, you're yet another acronym, SOL.
Louisiana ranks 6th in the country for Alzheimer's-related deaths, with 36 per 1,000 residents, compared to the national average of 25. Actually, all of the South has an Alzheimer's rate above the national average, save for Florida.
There is no single cause of Diabetes, as there are many different factors that can predispose someone to the disease. With that being said, sugary concoctions like beignets, bread pudding, pralines and Maw-Maw's fig tarts all can be contributing factors to the disease, along with a lifestyle that goes hand-in-hand with watching lots of television with a beer in your hand.
Louisiana ranks 7th in the country in deaths associated with Diabetes.
Finally, Louisiana gets to #1 on a list: deaths in this country that can be attributed to kidney disease.
What contributes to the onset of kidney disease? Why, Diabetes and high blood pressure, that's what!
With the great food we have here, the high tax rate, the sub-par roadways, the low rate of intelligence use while driving, the high rate of Miller Lite Saturday Night and a Sunday football team that keeps us on the edge, it's clear to see why Louisiana tops the list.
I don't even know what that is, but we rank 2nd in the country. Keep that stuff away from me.
Louisiana ranks 14th in the country in Flu/Pneumonia deaths (A doctor-type once told me that the symptoms of the flu, if left unchecked, can lead to respiratory, sinus, ear and other infections.) .
When we think of the flu (influenza), most of us think of 3 or more days of feeling bad with chills, fever, cough, sore throat, runny face, muscle aches, etc; not enough of us realize how dangerous the flu can be, especially for the really young and really old.
Unless otherwise advised by your doctor, get a dang flu shot every year, okay? And don't come to work with that crap, you'll just make everyone else sick.